Now, now, calm down, Southern readers. I love (most) country music. I own cowboy boots. I was raised on Alan Jackson. I’ve spent a pretty penny on country concert tickets.

ticket, music, country, eric church, oklahoma,

miranda lambert, country, cowboy,

Me and B before a Miranda Lambert show.

See? I love country music…

…just not all of it.

The Two Things That I Find Suspicious About Country Music

  1. The song “Shake it For Me” by Luke Bryan. It feels degrading to me. Are you paying this woman that you’re seemingly forcing to dance for you while you sit on your truck and watch? At least tuck a dollar into her tied-up plaid shirt.
  2. Country songs talk a lot about keeping money in coffee cans under the bed. Do we not believe in banks? Is this not the 21st century? You can trust the bank. I promise the FDIC is a real thing.

There you go. See? My two biggest problems with the genre are one song and a lack of a checking account.