It’s extremely odd that I can now say “when I was in college” before I tell a story about a food truck or a theme party or a football game. Saying that phrase makes me feel about 35 years old. I always wish the person I was speaking to would call my bluff and be like “Um, wasn’t that like 3 months ago?”. Then we could all laugh and I wouldn’t feel so weird. Maybe.

Everyone keeps asking me if its strange not to be going back to school, and it honestly is. Made more strange by the fact that many of my fellow class-of-2014-ers are back in school (graduate school) or not clockin’ in 9-5 like me (summer internships, service programs, the Peace Corps (HOLLA EMILY!)). I’ve been struggling with this for a while, and it never seems to get easier. I always thought the point of college was to graduate eventually and get a good job. Which I did. I love my work and the people I work with. Best possible situation right there. But now I feel like I’ve missed the memo.

I feel like I was supposed to have a group of people who would be on this same graduation-first-job-first-apartment-first-everything adventure with me.  Instead, I just feel left behind. I feel bad about taking the road most traveled even though that’s the road I planned for, asked for, dreamed of. I feel guilty for getting everything I wanted and then looking at someone else’s life and shouting “GIMME!”. There are so many paths to take, and what if I picked the wrong one? Alternately, I feel like a graduate degree is the new bachelor’s degree and the bachelor’s degree is the new high school degree, soooo here I am with the equivalent of a high school degree, hoping that I have enough in me to be successful.

I often feel guilty for my choices, and this is just another case of that. I have always been the girl who does what is expected of her, and when I have the opportunity to make my own choices, I feel like I have to justify them to everyone. I am the queen of the qualifying statement!

But really, besides this overly dramatic post, I really really really love my life. Why is it so hard to stop pining for an experience I never wanted in the first place?!